Legs

A new razor

Is one of my favorite things in the whole wide world. You never cut yourself shaving, and when you get out of the shower, your legs are so insanely soft and they stay that way and not prickly till the end of the day. And when you go to bed at night in shorts cuz it's warm under your blankets, your legs are so smooth against the soft of the sheets and you curl up in a ball and feel just you.

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I shave my legs every day. Most people think I'm crazy. Correction: most girls think I'm crazy. When I tell people, they look at me like I just said I love chocolate chips with ketchup and they say something like "I don't have time for that," "I haven't shaved in, like, two months," or something that makes me feel very anti-feminist.

Let's just get this straight: I shave my legs every day because I love the feel of my legs, smooth against the soft of my sheets. And if I don't shave my legs, then the prickles rub against my jeans and IT HURTS! I haven't seen my boyfriend in two months, and still shave my legs every single day. MY legs are smooth like the hood of my car and soft like fresh mashed potatoes on my tongue. My legs are soft and smooth for me. I am a woman.

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Let me tell you something about my legs-- I have sausage legs. They are a bit plump, yes, but that's not why I call them sausage legs.

Do you know, when you have raw sausage, and it's in the package, and it's all red and white and splotchy? That's what my legs look like all the time. All red and splotchy. Bad circulation. If I lean them up against the end of the couch and let the blood rush to my center, my legs look normal for once. Just bright white. Soft and smooth. Or if I rub them down with lotion-- for just a second after they're all lotiony-- my legs are normal for once. Just bright white. Soft and smooth.

But most of the time, I have sausage legs.